Why We Bought a Puppy

I am not a dog person- at all. Actually I am not really an animal person. I think they carry millions of deadly diseases, except cats. Cats are legit. Anyways, a few people have asked why we bought a dog. Honestly, this story is more for me than anyone else, a way to close a chapter in my life. Some of you may know that Mckell and I have been trying to start a family for the past 4 years. We have done some low intensity fertility treatment and looked into adoption. But for some reason, adoption or higher intensity fertility treatments, IVF or In Vitro Fertilization, have never seemed like the right thing to do at that time in our lives. When we came to Texas, we both knew we were supposed to give IVF a try. I have always been hesitant to try it because number one, you give yourself a million shots, and number two, the price. I always thought, “Why give yourself a 60% chance of having a baby, when you can adopt and get 100% chance of a baby for the same price.” I know not all people will agree with this point of view but that was what was going through my mind.  But in Texas, I felt so calm about trying IVF and knew it was what we were supposed to do.

Now this next part is mainly an explanation of what IVF is, so feel free to skim and skip to the next paragraph. We started the process in October 2014. I had to start off by taking birth control pills. Weird, huh? Why do I need to take birth control when trying to get pregnant? This is so my body will stop trying to produce an egg so when I take the stimulation shots then all the eggs can grow at the same rate. Soon it was time for me to start the stimulation shots. I would give myself 3 shots a day that caused my hormones to soar through the roof and made me act like a crazy person. I was literally crazy- Mckell, you know that I used the word literally in the right context. I would be so happy and on cloud 9 and then out of the blue I would be some mad and frustrated for no good reason. Poor Mckell. After 2 weeks of these injections, we did an egg retrieval. They were able to retrieve 21 eggs! We were a little worried with how many eggs I would produce so this was amazing news. Just warning you, you may think from 21 eggs you would get 21 healthy embryo babies, however you never will keep that many. Out of my 21 eggs, 13 fertilized normally, and after 5 days of watching them grow, we had 4 amazing embryos. When it came time to transfer them, we only transferred 1. After the egg retrieval, I had to start taking progesterone shots, with a 2 inch needle, in my butt, every night. These were by far the most painful ones because of the knotting that would happen in my muscle. Some days I could barely walk. By the way, I have an amazing husband and an amazing friend who would give them to me every night. After the retrieval, you are supposed to wait 2 weeks before the pregnancy test. Add progesterone shots to this and it makes for a really, really long waiting period. But because of when my egg retrieval was, I had to wait an extra 3 days because of Thanksgiving. 

We love our doctor. They have this technology where you can watch the fertilized egg turn from a 1 cell to a 1,000 cell embryo. At the end you can even see the little baby in the top right of the circle. The video below documents the life of our baby that was transferred.

I went in on December 1, 2014 for a blood draw pregnancy test. Luckily I had a lunch appointment for work so that kept me occupied until I got the call from the doctor’s office in the afternoon.  The call came in at 1:30pm as I sat in my car in the parking lot where the lunch appointment was. Usually when I get a phone call with blood draw results it is a nurse calling. This time it was my doctor. I knew that this was either a really good sign or a bad sign. She started out with the HCG results before she told me what they meant. “Your HCG levels are at a .5 which is not high enough to be pregnant, so unfortunately the procedure didn’t take.”

I was heart broken, devastated, frustrated, angry. So many of my thoughts and time was spent planning this. I have never thought so much about having a baby as I did this month. Never have I had as much faith that I would get pregnant this month. So much was counting on this happening. So many success stories of it working on the first try. Why wasn’t I one of those people? What is going on in my body? What is wrong with me?

I called Mckell in tears. He knew immediately what it meant. He told me that he was done with work and that I should come home.  I didn’t think I could face anyone yet who knew. I tried to convince Mckell that I needed to stay out and go visit all of the doctor’s offices to keep my mind off of it. Who was I kidding? I made it to one office and then headed home. Side Note: I had mentioned earlier that I had a friend helping me with shots. This beautiful friend of mine is Katelyn Patricia Lowe. She was in town visiting and I knew I would need her moral support whether the answer was positive or negative. I walked in the door and she was there to greet me. She didn’t need to say anything to make me feel better. She knew I just needed a hug. Mckell was there waiting for me on the couch. I went over to him. After a few minutes in silence, I said, “Can we go buy a kitten?” He laughed and opened up the computer screen to show that he was just searching were we could buy a kitten. He knows me so well.

Apparently when Mckell got home, he told Kate, “We need to go buy a kitten. That is going to be the only thing that will make Sari feel better. It is the only thing.” Honestly, could I have married anyone better? He spoils me. We immediately head out to a pet store in Frisco. When we got there, we were holding a playing with several different kittens. My favorite was a gray Persian kitten, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy her, which is completely unusual for me J As I was debating, Mckell went to look at the puppies. He fell in love with this Beagle. We spent hours there trying to decide what to do. We debated if we should buy both so they could have a friend, but since we have never owned a pet we ruled that out and we were stuck trying to decide which one to buy. The debating ended as we were putting the animals back. The cat started meowing and trying to jump out of my arms. I tried to restrain it, but to my dismay, the cat was freaking out because she had to use the restroom. She started diarrhea-ing all over me. Seriously, the most runny, nasty smelling thing I have ever come in contact with all down the front of my jacket, shirt, and pants. After spending 20 minutes trying not to throw up and cleaning myself up, we left the pet store without an animal. Another reason why I don’t like animals was added to my list. To give the cat some credit, I was holding her for a long time and she did try to warn me and run away.

We went to dinner and Mckell just kept talking about a pet.  He was expecting to come home with a pet. I told him that we could go back to the pet store one more time. He immediately got the beagle and started playing with him. He kept saying that he wanted it and that he would take care of it, just like an 8 year old trying to convince their parents to buy a puppy J But how could I not let him get it? For so long he has ached to be a dad. I have had so many opportunities with teaching to build a relationship with kids. He has to work with ornery old men. He is going to be the best dad ever but hasn’t had nearly the same opportunity as I have to be a “parent.” For some reason I knew that it was going to be ok to get this dog. Before I knew it the paperwork was written up and we had the puppy in our car on the way home. Also, I did want to mention how Kate is a rock star. She was so patient as we spent all night at the pet store while she chased around her 2 boys. She also taught me about how to take care of a puppy because I had no idea what I was doing. You are amazing.

Now I have one more part to this story that I want to clarify. This puppy has helped keep me busy and not think too hard about what happened. But it hasn’t made it easier. The main thing that has helped in this is process is how much love that has been showed to Mckell and I. I know the Lord is aware of our broken hearts and has prompted so many of my friends and family to randomly call or text this last week., most of them not even knowing what we were going through. Thank you for reaching out. It has meant more than you will ever know. It has been hard but I feel like that is life. There are always going to be good times and hard times. I can either focus on what is going right or focus on what is going wrong. No matter what circumstance I am in, I feel like this is the lesson that I will be able to apply for the rest of my life. Be grateful for what I have and enjoy. True gratitude isn’t just saying you are thankful for it. It is actually finding the joy in what you have. I used to get so frustrated with people who weren’t always grateful for their kids or upset that they were pregnant. It would make me so mad. But Malcolm has given me a small glimpse into what it is like to be a parent. Getting up in the middle of the night sucks. I am always tired. I have realized that everyone has their trials of faith and patience. I am actually grateful for my infertility. It has given me insight and knowledge on so many things that I would not have if it were otherwise. I know that I need this experience right now because there is a greater plan ahead for me. I don’t quite know what that is. But I do know that I have been promised a family and received healing priesthood blessings. It is all going to be on the Lord’s timing though I am grateful for that. Even our Savior was denied what he wanted for a greater purpose. He asked God, “Remove this cup from me.” But even He had to suffer for a plan that was better than His. He was willing to accept the answer “No” matter what it was because He understood that our Heavenly Father loves us all and knows what is going to be the very best. My Father in Heaven knows me and loves me. I knew this principle before but this experience has strengthened that understanding.

I can’t wait to see what is ahead for Mckell and I. But right now I am going to be grateful for what I have. I have an amazing husband who works so hard to provide for me. He takes such good care of me. I have the best family anyone could ask for. We may be spread all over America but that doesn’t change our relationship. I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for. I have Father in Heaven who loves me for who I am, not what I do or don’t have. I have a Savior who is there for me every step I take. Who can truly understand what I am going through and how I feel. And now I have a dog, I hate to admit, that I actually enjoy. Life is good.