Since our first round of IVF didn't take, I was very hesitant to get started right away, like I was ready to wait another 3-6 months before trying again. Luckily, we went out of town in December for Christmas and we weren't able to do another round right after. My doctor told me to call on Day 1 of the cycle when I wanted to do another transfer. She also told me that she thought we should transfer 2 embryos the next time. I told her I would let them know when I wanted to try again and left for Utah for 2 weeks.
While I was out of town I decided to see an Iridologist, a doctor who can look at your eyes and from the patterns they see can help determine what isn't working right in your body. I have heard of several people going to one of these natural doctors and heard great results. I thought
, why not, I have nothing more to lose, my body is pretty messed up from all the hormones I have been taking, it needs a good cleanse. I show up and the doctor shined a light in my eyes and then started coloring in different things on a paper version of my eye. The doctor then told me that my thyroid wasn't working, my digestive system wasn't working, which was the cause of my endometriosis, my progesterone and estrogen levels were off, and my left ovary wasn't functioning right. Most of these things I already knew so it was no surprise to me, but what was different from other doctors that have told me this, she had a solution to help my body fix them, not just put a bandaid on the problem to cover up the symptoms. She put me on several, and by several I mean about 40 pills a day, different herbs and a 30 day cleanse, like before, I thought what can it hurt. I started taking all of the herbs and started waiting for any results.
We came back to Texas and I went right to work the next day. (I had a lot of work to catch up on from being gone for 2 weeks.) I was working out in Frisco and as I was driving past my doctors office I had this sudden feeling of excitement about my frozen cycle. Then I had a battle conversation with my inner self.
Me: "Wait, I am not even going to think about this yet. I am not ready to think about doing this again."
Inner Self: "What are you talking about? You are excited. This is the time to try again!"
Me: "No. This wasn't the plan. I still have 2 more months to figure it out."
Inner Self: "Well I think I just figured it out for you. Now is the time."
Me: "It doesn't matter if this is the month, it is too late to start. I am on Day 2 of my cycle. They won't let me do it this month."
Inner Self: "You don't know that for sure. Just call them and talk to the nurses to see if it is possible."
Me: "Ok, I will call them, but that's it. I already know what the answer is going to be anyways and then I can put this crazy idea to rest."
So I called them and, to my surprise, it wasn't too late. They told me that I could get my body ready for the transfer and I could change my mind up until the day of the transfer. They also told me in order for me to start I needed to have an ultrasound by day 3, then start taking some medicine. I thought, well if I can change my mind whenever, then why not. (I was totally anticipating changing my mind somewhere in the process and waiting another cycle and we weren't going to tell anyone we were doing it because of this.) They got me in the next day for an ultrasound and then I started the medicine, which was 2 tiny pills. Much less invasive than the millions of shots that I had to take last round. Seriously, frozen embryo cycles are sooooo much better. I also only went in one other time to make sure my uterus was ready to accept the embryo and then we scheduled the transfer. I started Progesterone shots on January 22 and had the transfer scheduled for January 28. We really did the transfer of 2 embryos on the 28th (I didn't chicken out) and now all we had to do was wait until February 6, (1.5 weeks later) for the pregnancy blood draw.
Side note- I ended my 30 herbal cleanse on January 21. I know this had something to do with the outcome of this transfer. So crazy or not, the iridologist made me feel so much better! My doctor wanted me to stop taking the herbs after the transfer because there are not many published studies on herbs and IVF.
After 1 long week, Feb. 4, I was talking to one of my friends at mutual and she made me realize that if it was a traditional cycle, I would've been able to know if I was pregnant that day. I had one pregnancy test left from last cycle and I decided right then when I got home I was going to take it, you know, to prepare myself for the negative I was going to get this round because I felt that I still wasn't out of the woods yet.
I cam home around 9pm and took the test, without telling McKell, because I knew he would talk me out of it, or at least try. I have a little bit of a stubborn personality. I went into the living room to wait because I knew I wouldn't be patient enough and look too soon. I went back into the bathroom and looked at the test, totally expecting a negative, but no, it was positive. I was in complete shock. I was not prepared for this. I was not ready, yet so ready, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So what did I do? I set the positive test on the bathroom counter and started getting ready for bed. Mckell and I never talked about how I wanted to tell him that I was pregnant and I am not always the smartest thinker when I am in shock. I decided I would wait for him to come start getting ready for bed with me and he would see the test sitting there and we would have a happy little moment together. Flash forward an HOUR AND A HALF later. Me: Still trying to "get ready for bed" without seeming annoyed that McKell is still out snacking and watching TV. McKell: Sari takes sooooo long to get ready for bed.
Finally, after I am so ticked that my "brilliant" plan wasn't working, Mckell finally walks in the bathroom and sees the test after a few minutes, picks it up, and asks, "What is this?" "What do you think it is?" I say. "I can't tell, it is kind of faded. I can't tell what it says." (No duh! I took it almost 2 hours ago, I am thinking.) "That's because it's been sitting here for a bit. Can you see the second line?!" I ask. "Barely. Does that mean that your pregnant?" "YES!" I exclaim. "Well, we better wait until the doctor confirms on Friday. Don't get too excited." "But you it is very rare to get a false positive at this time of the cycle. I am pregnant, honey." He then gets over his skeptical-ness and I get over my anrgy-ness and can't believe we are having this discussion because after 4 long, frustrating, growing years we finally can see the path out of the woods.
But do you know what is funny about getting "out of the woods," is there is another forest always waiting for you. I'm not saying this to be a dream crusher. I've realized this is life. Since I've found out I was pregnant, I have started on a whole different path through a different set of woods, full of stresses and anxiety about how many embryos implanted, carrying the babies full term, ALL of the complications that can come with the pregnancy, miscarrying the babies, who will deliver my babies if I get to that point, what can and can't I eat, will we be able to afford children, what is my relationship with Mckell going to be like when the babies come, etc?
I have learned from this experience that I don't think we will ever be "in the clear" with the troubles and challenges life throws at us. It seems as though life isn't necessarily about getting out of the woods, but finding a beautiful path to take while we are in them to appreciate being in that particular forest at that time of life. Who knows what life has in store for us and what challenges we will face in the future? Why not hang on and enjoy the journey.
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